Sigh

Dear Blog,

These Mood swings are starting to take more energy than I have to give. I felt really nice today. I was flying high. Totally content. I don't know what changed in the past three hours but I am avoiding all mirrors at all costs. I don't feel like looking at myself. I have hardly eaten anything today. Apparently B told another one of my friends that I just don't eat or "forget" sometimes. That friend decided to ask if I ate today. I told them I did. That was a lie.


Right now I'm stressed out. I'm biting my nails. I'm getting a headache. I'm feeling really down and I just don't feel well in general. I feel jittery, pretty bad. What the fuck is going on? I want a cigarette so bad. It's been nearly a month and a half since my last one, but I would kill a bitch for a Marlboro right now. I wanna go to sleep but I can't seem to make myself sleepy enough to actually go to sleep, but my body is just worn out. Every part of me is just exhausted. My brain. My body. My spirit. Its just all done. Ready to throw in the white flag and call it quits.

I'm just done, dude. You don't even know. I don't even have the energy to change my writing style so I don't sound like myself. I think if any of my friends found this and read this entry they'd know it's me. They'd catch it, and you know what? At this moment, I wouldn't care. I would throw up my arms and say "fuck it. I'm done." I don't even know where this came from. I just want to sleep, all day. I want a dreamless sleep too, blog. I don't even want my mind to be active when I sleep. When I sleep, I want my body to shut down and take a break. I want to just be numb, and not feel it for a moment. I feel pathetic. Gimme a day, blog. Just give me a day.


Much Love,
M.