Ouch....Ouch...ooww...

Dear Blog,

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I've literally been working out majority of today. I worked out for over an hour last night, and I spent most of today doing work out sessions around the house. (My gym membership is um....way expired because my fat ass is lazy..)

My arms hurt. My legs hurt. My stomach hurts. Every bit of me is exhausted and in pain.

Maybe I over did it?

I just want to loose it. I want my skin to just shrink and go away. I've had mostly mac and cheese today. I just...don't have much to run on. Damnit...it's bed time. I can't take being awake much longer.

Much Love,
M.

Poppin

Dear Blog,

Well....last night was a trip. Literally. I ended up going to a party with some friends, and from what I remember....it was fun. Yay. I felt pretty good about myself and I can tell my clothes are fitting better. This is a good thing. I don't snack anymore and I don't eat more than 1 or 2 meals a day. I'm doing pretty good.

Here is the bad part. I ended up getting very fucked up last night. Let's see what was in my system. Aspirin. Zantrex-3. Pot. Beer. Smirnoff. Some kind of shitty Beer, and Captain Morgan. I can down Smirnoff. Once I down at least 4-5 Smirnoff, I can down any other liquor pretty well. Recently, I've been having an issue with mixing medication. I don't know why. It's more...I do it...and not think about it.

Either way. I was a mess. I was up one moment and the world was spinning from under my feet the next. I felt totally out of control and I knew it. It was like sitting back and watching myself be an ass, and not being able to stop. I drunk dialed, which was an event I regret. I felt sick, because I hadn't eaten much at all that day. I don't know. Either way...today I needed to exercise the sugar and calories off from the partying last night. I worked out for a little more than an hour. I ate two rather small meals, both with two zantrex. I'm feeling pretty good right now I guess.

Here's hoping no mood swings on this end tonight. I can't take another downer. Ya know?

Either way. I'm not too worried about my friends finding out about you anymore Blog. Really, I'm not. Wanna know why? Well, it's because I know they will never find you. (Knock on Wood) Even if they did, I wonder if they would say anything. Oh well. The internet is a large place. Hm. In real life, I am pretty easily over looked. There isn't much to me I guess.

Wish me luck, blog.

Much Love,
M.

Feel the burn

Dear Blog,

No pain. No gain. Right?

Much Love,
M.

:]

Dear Blog,

I am pretty proud of myself. I've had no soda today. Only milk and water. I only had a pasta dinner I was made to eat, and that's without the pills. I just haven't been hungry. I even worked out extra hard tonight. I missed the last two nights, so I had to make up for it. I broke a sweat, that's for sure. I can feel it too. I feel like I did good today.

Yay me :]

Much Love,
M.

Sweat

Dear Blog,

I just spent the last 45 minutes doing my nightly work out routine over and over. I've worked up a sweat. Is that enough to redeem my slip up? I promise I'll do better.

I will do better.


...I can go another 30 minutes...
I will.


Much Love,
M.