I refuse.

Dear Blog,

So I'm sitting here in my kitchen and looking around at everything there is to eat. My mother is infamous for packing our kitchen full of goodies to eat. My friend's love my kitchen. I am by myself so far and no one is around here to judge what I eat....and you know what...I won't pick anything up. I've seen a million things I want to eat, but I seriously can't MAKE myself pick them up. Today all I've had to eat is half a Chicken Cesar Salad Wrap, and a Jello. I didn't even eat most my CCSW. ( I am too lazy to write it out again.) I ended up feeding most of the chicken in it to the stray cats outside. I have only taken one dose of Cylaris too. So either I've trained myself not to eat, or the pills are working over time.

I decided to test myself today. I thought about everything that I love to eat. I pictured it right in front of me and how it smelled. You know what? I couldn't even THINK of eating it. I couldn't think of eating anything. I don't want to eat anything. I don't know why it's like that. Last night my friends did decide to go to dinner, after 8. Damnit. As soon as I heard thats what we were doing, my mood shifted. I was irritable. I could tell too, so I can't even imagine what my friends were thinking. I ordered the CCSW I mentioned earlier (It was a left over.) I kept saying I wasn't hungry, but I felt like....I had to get something. I don't know why Blog. I don't know why I felt I needed to get anything, but I did. I hardly had anything to eat. I didn't know the meal came with fries. Turns out it did. Yippie? I picked at the fries a little. I ate a little of the wrap. I couldn't make myself eat anymore. Why did I agree to go? I knew I wouldn't eat anything. I should have said I was tired or something, just gone home.

Oh. So I read that Cylaris can cause insomnia, and trust me I am feeling it. Normally I go to bed around 12 or 1...but since I started taking the pill, I'm up way later. I'm tired, that's for sure, but I can't seem to make myself go to sleep as easily as I used to. I'm a girl who likes her sleep, so this is a down side. Price to pay I suppose. I used to have sleeping problems when I was younger, so I'll just adjust.

Much Love,
M.